Lil’ (Little) Wayne aka: Dwight Michael Carter, Jr.

Hello Hello and welcome to Survival of the Fittest. This is a “blog” in which I study why certain people are better than others through the miracles of natural selection.

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Who swept the Grammy’s a few years ago? And by swept I mean won a single Grammy for best rap album. Although, this particular rap album sold one million copies, in the first week. Yeah! In the first week this gentleman sold more records that many popular artists ever sell. So we have a best selling musical genius that had to go away from society for a full eight months and still lived to tell his tale. This is the one and only, Lil’ (Little) Wayne AKA Dwight Michael Carter, Jr.

Mr. Wayne was the youngest rapper to ever achieve a record deal with Cash Money Records. This is one tip-off to why he is so much better than all of us chumps who are going to die any day now. Imagine a refrigerator that is on an uneven surface. Say you’re a cat, I’m a dachshund and Mr. Wayne is a cockroach. When that son of a bitch falls over there is only one of us who is going to survive. Yes, you guessed it, Mr. Wayne the cockroach.

So here is a Little Mr. Wayne, only nine years old and he already has such a grasp on the English language that he is rapping with the big boys (e.g. Juvenile and Turk) and obtaining massive success! He went on to record an album called Tha Block is Hot which reached platinum status (selling over one million copies.) Then he made a couple boring albums that no one cares about. Yawn. Then decided to pay respect to his family by recording three albums titled Tha Carter, Tha Carter II and Tha Carter III. Inventive.

See this is where a lot of artists seem to fall off track. They try to make things too complex and thought provoking. Look at the Beatles for instance. They made the White Album (with a simple white cover) and it was a hit! Then they broke up and certain men named John tried doing things that would have had people thinking and BOOM, there’s a dead Beatle. Mr. Wayne realized that there is success in simplicity. He also realizes that there is survival in simplicity.

I’m running this and I can jump the hurdles

I’m feelin like I’m racin a bunch of little turtles

Keep a bandanna like the ninja turtles

I’m like a turtle when i sip the purple

Do you see what he did there! Why think of different words when you can recycle “turtle” three times and then try to rhyme it with purple. He is on to something that maybe Chad Kroeger or I.C.P. aren’t even aware of.

So I think I’ve pretty well proven that Mr. Wayne is a lyrical genius and a musical prodigy. The only question left on this subject is whether he’s hit his full potential—I think not—but only time will tell.

Now, did you know that Mr. Wayne has four kids? Four of them! That’s enough to form the backing band for his Rock ‘n’ Roll career. His first child was born when he was fifteen with his high school sweetheart. But that relationship didn’t really work out. Thank God, because we all know that nothing will ruin a career like a woman, right Yoko? So he continued banging groupies (because that’s what musical prodigies do, duh) and three more kids popped out along the way. Let me make something clear at this point. Four different babies from four different ladies. Mr. Wayne knows how to keep his seed rotating and in that he will never be tied down. He can continue reproducing and in turn, create an army to back him for when the nuclear holocaust presents itself. If you want to survive World War III then you’d better start kissing Mr. Wayne’s ass.

And he also went to prison, but I can’t find too much information on that either because (A) It never happened and we’ve all been punk’d, (B) it was an agreement like that of Hancock’s and Mr. Wayne is a humble man and doesn’t want to toot his own whistle, or (C) he put his time in like a real man and again proved he is humble, but without the superhero powers. I’m probably going with B.

Now for some words of wisdom from this weeks NS:

“I don’t want a broken heart because I’ll lose the pieces.”

Just keep moving that seed around and you won’t have a problem, sir. We salute you.