Sylvester Stallone

Welcome to my new internet sensation! Why are some people better than others? It's adaptation and working with the dangers of the world. It is Survival of the Fittest.

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Every Hollywood gets their start in pornography. Have you ever wondered where this myth comes from? I assume you haven’t, because I, as well as most everyone else, just figured this was an age-old truth, i.e. we didn’t think there was an origin. But with some research I’ve found the beginning. This Academy Award nominated actor/writer (and director, but he hasn’t been nominated for this skill so who cares!) made the myth into reality. Does the name The Italian Stallion ring any bells? Yes, the legendary action man, Sylvester Stallone is this week’s pick for Natural Selection.

Stallone was born in New York City. Do you know what that means? Essentially, that this guy is street smart. No wonder he made it in Hollywood (after a quick dip in movies like The Party at Kitty and Stud’s), the man knew what he was doing before he actually did it. Also, his father was a barber. A barber! Have you ever wondered why Sly is always looking so damn good? I used to until I read that.

I’d like you all to know that Stallone did enroll into a theatre arts program. He came inches away from graduated, but proved to the kids of America that you can drop out of school and still be nominated for two Oscars. He opted to write scripts under the pseudonyms, Q. Moonblood and J.J. Deadlock. No fucking wonder this man is the king of action movies!

So then the 90’s hit and along with it the rise of independent cinema. And a bunch of assholes starting worrying about realism in film. The era of action began its downward slope and as the years rolled on Stallone started to seem a bit outdated. It got to the point where no one really knew where this man had gone, but then he made his comeback with Rocky Balboa in 2006. The film did well! So he made Rambo and that did just as well! Then he made the granddaddy of comebacks with The Expendables. Now now now, I know what you’re thinking. Some of you out there (h8ers) would say that Sly was too self-aware in the process of constructing this film. They would say he knew he needed to make a shitty action movie, but couldn’t find the bicep strength to let it be just that. He forgot when he made Cliffhanger he thought he was making a good movie, not a bad action flick. So with The Expendables, he tried making an updated throwback, and Black Dynamite says, “The shame is, half these people don't know what y'all talking about.”

So why is Sylvester Stallone the pick for Natural Selection? Because he died from Hollywood, but was able to revive himself and make his own comeback! He didn’t need a Tarantino or Rodriguez (we're not counting Spy Kids III because that didn't really work) to write a part specifically for him. He did that himself! And it fucking worked! He used his muscles as eye candy, and his brains to write the perfect roles (for his own gain).

Now a word of wisdom from this week’s NS:

“I am a sensitive writer, actor and director. Talking business disgusts me. If you want to talk business, call my disgusting personal manager.”

Don’t you know you need to be sensitive with your artwork for it to be meaningful? This guy does.