Chad Kroeger

Hello, and welcome to the fourth installment of my blog that has turned into an internet sensation! Each installment looks at a different human who has stood the test of time and survived. These are people who are much better than the dead, because they are simply living.

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Think about how much kids look up to Rock Gods! Look at Eddie Van Halen, Mick Jagger, Angus Young, Kurt Cobain or any one of the Beatles. Young kids look up to these men. Men look up to these men. Women want to guzzle these men’s gravy. The question we should ask ourselves is simply “why?” Why would these masses of people throw themselves at these human beings? Because of the power of Rock! Kids look up to them because they are following their dreams and passion, men are in awe because these guys can have sex with anyone they want and girls want to blow them because then they have the start of a notable life. This is why we can appreciate a man who has harnessed his talent to show the world that some good can come of being a Rock God. Rock stars don’t have to be the stereotypical selfish creatures. They can give back. Thank you Chad Kroeger for showing other Rock Gods that there is another way.

For those squares who don’t know who Chad Kroeger is (if that’s even possible) he is the lead singer and guitar player for the hard-hitting rock ’n roll group, Nickelback. A quick, little, funny anecdote about the name: Chad Kroeger worked as a barista in Canada and when he would give customers their change he would say, “Here’s your nickel back.” Any normal human would think that this was a simple exchange between people, but that’s why we work boring jobs and Mr. Kroeger makes the big bucks. He thought about what he was saying and the light bulb flashed on. Here’s your nickel back…Nickelback…Holy Shit! That’s the greatest! And he was right.

Nickelback started in the 90’s as grunge was in the last moments of its death rattle. Although, certain bands didn’t want this short era of music to die. Bush, Everclear, Toadies and Nickelback didn’t want to allow the age of Pop to rise again so they continued writing guitar heavy music with gravelly vocals. Nickelback released a couple albums, but didn’t hit it big until their 1998 independent release, The State got picked up by EMI and Roadrunner and given a proper unveiling in 2000 (we all know that independent releases don’t really count for anything). There were two hit singles off of this record, “Leader of Men” and “Breathe.” They weren’t thrown into mega-stardom until they put out Silver Side Up. Oh, I get it, nickels. The single “How You Remind Me” put them into the major leagues of Rock. This album opened doors of success the band could never dream of, and the rest is history.

By now you’re asking me, Joe, you just told me a great story of Rock History, but why does it belong on your site about Natural Selection. Well, I’ll tell you. When nobodies become somebodies, girls notice! Especially when the thing that made you a somebody is a Rock God Band! When girls see a new hott band they instantly want to have sex with the members. The lead singer and guitar player gets the most action. So what happens when the lead singer plays guitar? Orgy. Girls see the band and they don’t want to get with the drummer because drummers are animals. They will bite and tear and it will be a terribly uncomfortable night. Girls don’t even realize bands have a bass player. The guitar player is quiet and mysterious and girls assume he’s just in it for the sex. BUT the lead singer…they sing their hearts out. The lyrics are a window into the heart and soul and girls feel they can trust this man. So Chad Kroeger has had mountains upon mountains of sex with all kinds of girls. And he’s still around. He should be a pool of disease, but he’s still writing great Rock music.

Only he’s not only in it for the girls. He’s here to show the world that people can be better. Just look at his song, “If Today was Your Last Day.”

One stanza of this epic song:

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late


Could you say goodbye to yesterday?


Would you live each moment like your last?


Leave old pictures in the past?


Donate every dime you had?

I would do everything in this song if I realized today was my last. My wife doesn’t need any of the money I’ve saved, she can sell the house and live on that, but I’ll probably leave a note in my will that I want my house donated to a greater cause than that selfish girl. People have decided to be kinder and more generous and I can safely say that credit can go to Chad Kroeger and crew.

ALTHOUGH, I’m not quite sure how to figure these lyrics out from the NB song, “Figured You Out”:

I like your pants around your feet

And I like the dirt that's on your knees

And I like the way you still say please

While you're looking up at me

You're like my favorite damn disease

Eh, he’s probably talking about politics. We all get it, right? Right?

Now, for some words of wisdom from Mr. Kroeger:

“We are four lucky bastards -- not a day goes by that I don`t wake up and think, `I`m thankful to be able to play music for a living. And to be heard.`”

And you are heard Mr. Kroeger. You are heard.