Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I.C.P.

Welcome to the second edition of Joe’s Study of Natural Selection. This is an article where I show readers different humans that are still alive and kicking on earth. They have found someway to continue existing with the help of minor evolution. This is survival of the fittest and these NS’s are better than anyone who is dead.

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People would have to imagine that a musical group who are talented enough to earn two platinum and three gold albums would be able to earn a spot in my gallery of Natural Selection. Not only have they sold 6.5 million records, they have also started their own wrestling federation, the Juggalo Wrestling Championship. Could Joseph Bruce and Joseph Utsler please stand up. No one? How about your real names, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope please stand up. There we go.


Hey guys, remember I.C.P.?

This guy does!

They have evolved in our world and become better than anyone that is not presently on the planet. How is this possible? Well, mostly smarts. They have evolved brains that have kept them out of harm’s way. When Violent J was just a small lad, he joined in on some gang-like activities. In fact, he spent some time in jail due to death threats, robbery and violating probation. After his release he used his brain to discover that gang life was not the path he was intended for, so he began his career in professional wrestling. Wrestling! Now, I’m not sure how well Violent J did in this endeavor, but I’m assuming he was great. How else would he get the street cred he needed to start up the great hip hop group, Inner City Posse? After rising to the top of the wrestling circuit, Violent J got fed up with the backstage politics? Okay, I’ll go with that, there was too much backstabbing and dirty campaigns. So he started a hip-hop group, originally titled the Inner City Posse.

They started out singing gangsta rap. BUT because their music caused violent behavior by their dedicated fan base they decided to switch to more horror-themed lyrics. So to prevent violence they started rapping about murder and rape. Okay! They claim if we dig deeper below the initial words, we’ll find the “message that pertains to trying to save the human soul.” Ah, that’s the problem with these squares today, they haven’t looked at the lyrics hard enough.

I stab people, 4, 5 people everyday

I tried to see a shrink to stop that shit but it ain't no FUCKing way

I stabbed him, stabbed his nurse and his fucking cat

Stabbed them! Stabbed them all like that

I get it now! These lyrics for the ICP song, called “I Stab People” are supposed to be “a mirror that might help some people to get on a more righteous path.” Thanks for helping me get on the straight and narrow.

Brain power is why these two have made it onto my study of natural selection. They have wrestled (pun intended, lol) with gang life, only to come out on top with money and fame. They have used their poetic lyrics to change the life of millions. They have been fighting the good fight. Not wanting to add to the common drivel of the normal "art" scene, they want to give the world something that is worth taking in. Thanks you Joe and Joe, or should I say Vio and Shag.

Now for a quick word of wisdom from Shaggy 2 Dope:

"We moved to southwest Detroit from the suburbs, and right away, we talkin' like when you're 16, it was the cool thing to be in a gang. So we started Inner City Posse, like this is our gang. But we didn't realize that the real gangs had been around for generations, you know what I'm saying?"

Yes, I know what you’re saying. Thank you for showing me that being in a gang is not cool.


In other news, authorities have now classified Juggalo as a gang.




Monday, April 5, 2010

Freddy Prinze, Jr



This is my new internet sensation. I've decided to call it "NATURAL

SELECTION." The reason being is because people need to look around and realize that they're here because they are, in fact, better than the people who are dead.



SO...Who remembers Freddie Prince Jr?

To be honest, I don't really even know why I know who he is. I was at a loss of what great films he's participated in, so I hopped on over to IMDB.com and realize, wow, ScoobyDoo. That's all I've seen him in (BUT he was FANtastic in it). So that got me wondering what he's been up to lately? Well, having a baby with Buffy and some voice work. So nothing (he's on the hit Kiefer show "24" too? So still nothing).


BUT...He was a heart throb there for a while so you've got to hand it to the dude, he probably has been around. He had his pick of girls aged 12 to 15 for about two years there when he was in that movie about the ugly girl who did some heroin and then took her glasses off and became beautiful? So really, with Freddie banging that many preteens he should've gotten some kind of STD with the way this world is headed (what with rainbow parties and that bracelet game?). But he's still here, with a baby. So congratulations Freddie Prince Jr, you're part of the Natural Selection. Survival of the fittest.

Now for some words of wisdom from this weeks NS:


"Y`know, the way I see it there`s no such thing as being perfect. We`re all pretty much

made the same but some people are better at certain things than others. Everybody is great at something...you just have to find what that is."


Beautiful.