Hello and welcom to Survival of the Fittest. This is a "blog" in which I study why certain people are better than others through the miracles of natural selection.
When was the last time our culture was rocked by a young musician? I'm not really talking about young in the sense of a twenty-one year old guitar player/singer either. I'm talking young as in not even old enough to call himself an adult. He's probably been too busy to even get his driver's license, considering how many girls are after his nonexistent junk (we can only assume genitalia forms on the eighteenth birthday). The last time that a young musical prodigy presented himself was not the boy band, Hanson, but instead Michael Jackson. The man came down off his mountain of greatness and showed the world what it was to be a God-like human. He commanded respect from all the minions. He won the Living Legend Award at the Grammy's. Martin Scorsese directed his music video for Bad. He was on the cover of his album with a damn tiger! But before he unsheathed this power, he was singing A, B, C's as a young man. The world had the opportunity to see him grow up. And now we are offered a similar prodigy. This boy (who will soon grow into a great man) was voted Artist of the Year at the American Music Awards (and he's Canadian! What a survivor!), and garnered a mass of fans that no other muscial act can claim equal. Please welcome this week's Natural Selection, Justin Bieber.
Mr. Bieber was raised in Stratford, Ontario, Canada. I don't really know where that is exactly, but it is up north, so I'm assuming (I know, I know, ass of u and me), even though I have a knack for this kind of estimation, that he grew up in a cold environment. I'm not saying cold emotionally, but literally. There was probably a lot of snow on the ground. His little born-in-1994-hands were probably pretty cold. But he persevered and chose to pick the road to survival instead of the coal mine! He said to society, "No! I'm not going to give up and take the easy road and get a townie job! I'm going to push through and learn how to play the guitar! No matter how much it hurts my finger tips!" And he did push on by putting up a youtube video that got him a meeting with Usher and the rest is history.
When I said that Bieber's home life wasn't cold, I may have spoken too soon. I didn't read as far in my research as I should have before I started typing away! Oh, sub-mental mistake. This is just another reason I'm not a survivor.
Mr. Bieber's mother gave birth to him when she was eighteen-years-old, proceeding to raise him as a single parent. I don't want to jump to any more conclusions and say that Bieber definitely had a terrible childhood in a one parent house, because that's not always the case! Single mothers have a hard enough time as it is without my saying that the environment was cold. So on that note, Bieber had a higher probability of a rough childhood because single parents don't have a ton of time what with the jobs and the upbringing and stress.
And that is pretty much the history of Bieber. He was born to a single mom, then he learned to play an instrument and sing, and then he made a youtube video. Neat story.
But the boy is so young, Joe! I know that you might think we're unable to learn anything from a boy that hasn't had teh benefit of buying Monarch and puking his guts out legally, but I assure you, he has a lot to teach us. It's not necessarily life experience that dictates natural selection, but instead, the continuation of survival. Bieber is here to show us that it is never too early to start on your retirement. This is a kid who will outlive all of us because he has shown that he is too smart and too savvy in the business of life. His lyrics have built an army of women who would lay down their own lives to protect little JB. He has--and I don't want to imply that he has brainwashed anyone--convinced the told that he is the next big thing. He is bigger than the Beatles! He is a better songwriter than Kurt Cobain! He is prettier than Prince!
Check out these lyrics:
"It's like an angel came and took me to heaven,
Like you took me to heaven, girl"
Holy shit! That never would have worked for me! And this is what is so great about little JB. he has found the medium between being a creeper and being desperate, leaving only adorable to choose from. And this is why he is this week's natural selection. Most people have not been able to find taht middle ground which is why when we're all dying horrible deaths, Bieber is giong to be fed grapes by beautiful women.
Now for some words of wisdom from this week's study:
"We're trying to set up a movie for me in the near future. It's going to be similar to the story of how I got discovered. Kinda like my own version of '8 Mile.'"
But Biebs! You're way better than Eminem. You really shouldn't compare yourself to people that are so much lower on the totem pole. That's okay though, you've got plenty of time to learn all the minor ropes of survival.
